Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Pushing Thru

Wednesday, February 01, 2012—Orange, CA

Busyness. I’ve been buried with school and other crap for a couple weeks running. I also blew out my back again (though nowhere near as bad as I did several months back), which has been slowing me down. Feeling pretty good overall, angry, in the sense that I ready to finally blast thru a bunch of shit that been blocking my way in life and that’s the attitude I need for the final push. Don’t know exactly what I’m fighting, but I’m fighting it hard (I know I keep saying this stuff, but I can’t shake the feeling that my life is about to start changing in big ways). Maybe ornery is a better word for how I’m feeling. I might want to throw “agitated” in there too …

Like I said, I’m feeling good overall. This I think has a lot to do with the fact that I’m writing again. I’m still working on the "Girl in the Orange Bikini" and it’s a very satisfying experience. In fact, I’ve probably never enjoyed writing as much as I am with this story. My last couple of books really dove into politics, or social policy at least. It’s something I needed to do, but not something I’m overly comfortable with. To me life is at its best when I transcend those things. Politics and government are necessary evils. The real core of life exists far deeper than those things. It’s that core I’m looking for with my new work. I’m also trying to avoid all internal commentary on the big picture with this story and the others I plan on writing—anything large must come from the events I’m writing about, from the feelings they touch. That can only happen when a writer is concentrating purely on accurate description—mood, plot (such a dreadful notion), and message will all flow organically from that. It’s a very pure form of writing, something closer to painting than typical writing (there I am back on that point again). Actually that’s a good way for how I’m feeling when I write these days—“pure.”

Speaking of painting, I’m about to begin work on a new cover for Edgewater. I’m going to paint something for it, something abstract. I’ve never had much interest in painting recognizable forms—I can write that sort of stuff all day long. I like to try and paint feelings, moods. I have no idea what will come out of this, but there are certain colors movement Edgewater’s poems give off, so I’ll start from there and see what happens. In know this is all pretty vague, but that’s the point—I want this to come out of my subconscious, which means if I know what I’m going to paint I’ve failed before I touch a brush.

What else? What else? Superbowl party this Sunday. Usually a big shindig. Greg’s finally started on my website. Hopefully I’ll have a new homepage by next month sometime. I the insides of Edgewater off to Eric last week. If all goes well and I can conjure up a cover I hope to have that sucker on the shelves, so to speak, by late March. Lots of things happening. Lots of good stuff on the horizon too. Wish I could figure out a way to stop teaching and not starve—then life would be fun twenty-four-seven (or at least that’s how it looks from here …).

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