Thursday, May 24, 2012


Tuesday, May 22, 2011—Long Beach, CA

I’m finally finished with school. Actually I finished early Saturday afternoon, but it’s only now beginning to sink in to me that I’m free. The last few days I’ve mostly been just trying to unwind, as well as get a few things done that had been piling up on me during the last week of the semester. I’ve got a lot I want to do over the next few weeks before I go to Greece (yeah, I’ve almost one hundred percent decided to go), but most of it is stuff I want to do—work on my website, BSP, etc.—so doing these tasks is almost part of my general coming down from the semester. I’m still feeling very uptight, which from past experience I know it will be another week or so before I really start relaxing. I seem to be walking away from this semester easier than I have other ones, though. I can’t decide whether or not this is a good thing, whether or not I’m just learning how to relax or that I’m so bored and angry with my job that I simply don’t care as much about it a I used to.

Though I’ve only been free of school for a handful of days, I’ve managed to do a lot of thinking, mostly about where I’m at with my writing. I’m positive that I’ve been going down a wrong path with Sunshine Seas. Now that I have the time to think straight, the little doubts I’ve been having about the work (which I’ve been pushing away, to the point where I haven’t discussed them here) have moved front and center. I can now see that there’s a false note in there somewhere; it feels slightly phony, contrived. Also, as soon as I had a little time to work on it I immediately began to get bored; I think I’ve been puffing up the project just because the idea of having time to write was so enticing to me during the semester. What I need to be doing, I think, is continuing with the Backwaters books: I don’t seem to have much to say outside of that context. I’m still a little burned out on that universe, though, so maybe I just need to not be writing (other than here) for a while longer. I do have some new ideas regarding where Backwaters is going that I’m excited about, so who knows—maybe I am on the verge of something there and my continuing break only has a short time left. There’s nothing I can do now except wait the muse out.

Still struggling with myself a bit. As always these kinds of struggles get reflected in my reading. I’ve abandoned the Jung biography. It was to … well, boring: fact after fact with almost no framework. I’m still interested in that world, though. I picked up Jung’s autobiography Memories, Dreams, and Reflections as a substitute. I’m also starting Philip K. Dick’s VALIS. Alas, Babylon, by Pat Frank has also hit my to-read shelf, along with a history of the modern witchcraft movements in England called Triumph of the Moon. A wide range of stuff, but that’s because I’m still a little unsure of where I should be going in the area, in a lot of areas actually.

Ready to see people (at least to a small degree), to get out and do things. Planning trips to Sacramento and Santa Cruz as well as Greece. I’d like to try and get out to Mono Lake this summer too. Lot going on. Lots I want to do. I need to recharge a little first, though, be lazy for a while.

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